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DUBAI (Old airport), United Arab Emirates (Contributed by Col. Stewart)
"Everybody raves about Dubai Airport, its duty free etc-its all a load of rubbish perpetuated by 3rd world middle class who know no better. The place is a disgrace considering the wealth of the region, but I guess considering its operated by the same workers who administer the clock work precision of say Calcutta or Lahore International airports (foreign labour like everything else in UAE). The best option is to head for the VIP lounge, flash Dads gold AMEX, and in you go. Or, depending on how grubby you look, assuming you have already managed to have Dads gold AMEX cut up somewhere, or sold it off to sweeten the travelers cheque fraud, just walk in like you own the place, look the girl straight in the eye, nod, smile, and keep walking. Get yourself a scotch, some middle eastern cashews, and grab the latest Wall Street Journal. Once you're in and acknowledged, future entry is assured. Wave etc when you go out to stretch the legs or boast to your mates enjoying the grubby plastic chairs. This technique works well in most airport VIP/Airline lounges, as long as you look somewhat legit. The worst they can do is ask for your card or boarding pass - but your wife/husband inside has it...I'll be right back...."